…my friend "B"

"B", aka Barbara, lived on the road behind my home in the mountains. She’s a walker, twice a day most days, sometimes with her daughter, sometimes with her grand dog…

She stopped to chat the first few days after we moved in, told me of the couple who’d lived in our home. Told of the fire which had taken the house to the foundation in 2006. She knew them well … 

Our conversations, much like Facebook, were snippets of our lives … she talked of her family, her marriage, her husband, we talked of the forest, and she loved it when she saw our RV in the driveway, where she knew we were coming or going.

I’d noticed her slowing pace in the last few years, her frame becoming slighter with age. Today she is 86. The streets of our homes are in the mountains and are daunting to me, and yet she’s on it, walking, nearly every day.

When Covid locked us down I’d still see her out there …. She stopped one day at the end of March and I asked how she was, she said "I’ve just lost my husband, the love of my life, he died, I was with him, but he’s gone..." By now she was in tears, I asked her if I could hug her, she said "please I need it …"

Over the last few years, I learned her story in snippets. She grew up in Illinois, lived in Michigan, and raised a family in southern California. She was first married very young at just 20 years old. She gave birth to 3 children and adopted 2 more. It was a difficult marriage, but she stayed in it for the children. Eventually it ended in divorce as she continued to raise her brood of 5. “B” survived the loss no mother should ever bear, the loss of two of her children. She lost a son to suicide while he was in college and she lost a daughter, Tracianne, to injuries from a car accident when she was in her twenties. We talked of these life events and I shared with her the loss of my brother, to suicide, when we were teenagers...

“B” and I just clicked ….  “B” loves being outdoors, her property is fun, quirky, imaginative, and filled with “goodies” … she cares for the weekend homes of her neighbors, she doesn’t ask she just cleans their lots, keeps things neat and tidy, and this too is her life therapy.

As we both knew that we were selling our home, our conversations were tinged with the “leaving” … one day I saw her walk down our driveway, invited her in we talked of our plans, SHE loves our plans, said she’d love to go along.

I’d known by now her mind is slipping, she says it, I can feel it, we talk of it …. I told her last week, I’m coming to your house, with my camera. I’m going to photograph you my friend and I’m going to tell your story, with my camera.

The day before we left the house was the day, I had to go. . . cloudy and dark, after 3pm, but I had to go ….

I knocked, no answer and was feeling devastated and alarmed. Finally, she comes up from the back area and says “well there you are I heard you” … she couldn’t believe I was there or what I wanted. I asked can we she says of course … shall I comb my hair! So, she took off her sweatshirt which had a big design, and wore her simple turtleneck tee-shirt as I asked, and we were ready ….

I was floored when I walked into her house, filled with all kinds of art, textiles, paint, carvings, wall art, table art, everywhere, and a large George O’Keefe print on the wall, quilts on every surface. OH, DEAR how’d we never talked of art as we talked of life when she stopped on the street chat.

How’d we not known each other in this way … well I think we did, this was the kindred spirit I felt when I talked with her, but I didn’t know it, I walked into her house and said “of course” …

“B” is an artist, how’d I not known this, well because our conversations were of the neighbor type. She’s walked by my home for 6 years, she’s come in the door a few times, I adore this woman, and yet this was my first time in her home. What a beautiful surprise of happenstance was waiting for me… “B” is an artist; every medium I could possibly imagine was there in her mountain home. She told me her husband, Lee, designed and built the home. Inside I saw painting, quilts, carved birds, and rock art! I saw the whimsy in everything I saw quickly she has survived life through her art. What a collection. . . .

So, we did a few photographs inside with “B” explaining the art and her family. Then we went outside, the light was going, but I wanted to be there, she has these amazing trees she’s created out of wine bottles, blue and green trees. I’ve seen them as I drove by but hadn’t stopped to look closely. We looked at her metal sculptures and there again the “whimsy” in the art.

As we went back inside, we were talking of the quilts, “B” says she has been giving things away of late, I said I know this part as my own 87-year-old mother is doing much the same, paring down her life. “B” said what you would like to have, oh my …. Are you sure?  I chose a small table topper as it was in the colors, I adore but the blocks were asymmetrical, a style I couldn’t ever imagine doing … but here she was giving it to me, in the end I have that a small Christmas style one and a little more art styled one complete with birds in the corners. What a gift from this loving neighbor of mine.

My visit with “B” the only time in her home and quickly it was revealed to me this artistic woman is amazing, I knew it but now I could see it in her art, this is what I felt of her kindred spirit, this artist, it was coming through in our walk meet up conversations without my even knowing it ….

As we’d talked, I’d asked questions about her work life, she gave me some answers and other times said I can’t recall it’s gone …. The next morning, she called, she said “I know the answer, it came to me at 3am, when I couldn’t tell you I made something up, but the truth was in there” she gave it to me and as is happening with my own mother, her mind is like Swiss cheese. Remember the marble game where they fall in fill in the holes and stay there, then rattle loose, this is their minds, bits and pieces of memory fill the empty spaces and yet other times they can’t get there…. In case you can’t tell I adore her, I am sad at what’s happening to her, watching it also with my mother. . . and yet B is out there each day, walking, walking for herself. She has been my gift in the Forest neighborhood and my words and photographs will be my gift for her as well as her family. I told her what I wanted to do, she kept saying “are you sure, Me, really?” Yes, lovely B I am 100% sure …you’re a kindred spirit. . .  

***Update from her daughter***

They received the book I made for "B" of the images I'd taken, I asked her to send me a picture of "B" with the book, she did and wrote this:

"She is declining very rapidly and is now planning to move to the memory care unit... Unfortunately, it’s time. When we were there last and meeting with people about the move, I told the care director that she is an artist and told my mom that she could share with her the book that you made. It took some time and a few different explanations but then she remembered the book. I’m so grateful to have it so that she can show it to the staff so they can see who she is, even though she’s not able to do those things anymore. The timing with the book is perfect and I’m forever grateful.  Teglene" ***

Now I know why I needed to do this not just for me, but for them as well...we never know why some come in our lives and then out again, lessons, kindred spirit, show us new ways to see things, whatever it may be, I'm grateful for all of the conversations with my lovely neighbor "B"....