When did it happen? I’m a female, wife, mother, nana, photographer, family historian, genealogist, the list goes on, but when did we label ourselves with the adjective “too” … as I photograph families, portraits, weddings, documenting the moments in their lives, invariably someone will come to me and say, “can you help me, I am too fat, too skinny, too wrinkled, too gray, too squinty, too tall, too short, I have a good side, a bad side, my glasses, my gray roots,” then the new moms do the same thing, different words, same adjective, “I’m too fat, I haven’t lost the baby weight, my boobs are huge, my boobs are too small, my double chin, my triple chin, my butt, my back fat, my rolls, the tired bags under my eyes..” I’ve got this ladies, I’m you, I’ve been you, I’m growing old too!
Things racing through my mind as the words spill from my crazy brain to the keyboard to share with you …
This week I’m working on the memorial slide show for my friend Robin. She left her family too soon, didn’t get a goodbye, 62 years of life, gone too soon. As I scan her family’s images to share, I am struck by what she left behind, SHE WAS IN THE PICTURES!!! Thank you Robin, thank you for labeling the dates on many of them, thank you for being in the moments with your loved ones. Of course I can tell by the hairstyles, the clothing, the furniture, the children in the images, when her events occurred… but no matter the events, she was IN the pictures.
Who today knows us as we were, perhaps a parent, a husband or boyfriend of a lifetime, mine remembers when I was a twig with boobs. . . I like the idea I’ve grown fatter around them! Am I at a weight I’d love? No. Do my grand-babies know that I used to be slim, or had straight hair not curly, or that I cover the gray, or that my eyelashes used to be crazy long … NO … they know Nana, they know me now .. My children may remember a slimmer version of Mom, but they didn’t know me at 18, they weren’t aware of “me” until later in my life.
I watch girlfriends, worry, hem and haw about pictures … I say to them, we are here, we are what we are, we are enough, PERIOD, and we are enough. Life is etched upon us, the age spots, the freckles, the wrinkles the thinning hair, and thickening waist. WE can’t bail from life waiting for the perfect persona to put in a picture. We wait and we miss the opportunity.
As I look at historical images of my tribe, those who are a part of my DNA, I can see where I come from, I found the curly hair, a grandfather with his red curls that would put Kramer from Seinfeld to shame, a great-grandmother with brown eyes, someone else's nose … we all come from somewhere, and I’m grateful for the images I have, showing me glimpses of their lives…the rural woman in her apron, the dressed up woman in the city portrait, the children in play clothes, the children dressed up. Their lives were documented.
This is not a blog post to sell you portraits, I’m here to say, you are enough. Take the time, get your hair done or put on special makeup, whatever makes you feel terrific, and get in the picture … enough, you are enough …. Don’t shy from the group photographs at someone’s birthday, wedding reception and yes even funerals. The gatherings, be there, present in the gatherings, whatever form they take… your family, your tribe, your group will love it, and someday when we are the memory, they’ll treasure you, in whatever form your images take…
Find a photographer, someone recommended, a friend, or a colleague with a camera, do this for your family and do it for you. You are enough. I woke at 3am a few days ago with this blog post running through my head, couldn't go back to sleep, logged on started to type, then as I checked Facebook, a friend's feed contained this song/video. The subject, the music, the images in the video resonated with me, SERENDIPITY had them there right in the moment I needed to see them. Go have fun, love yourself and put yourself in the moments of your own life... check out this video and see what I mean...
https://youtu.be/zNIbLidFBYs